I needed you to want me and no-one else.
I needed you to notice me and no-one else.
I needed you to love me and no-one else.
I needed you to adore me and no-one else.
I needed you to worship me and no-one else.
I needed your undivided attention, your approval, all to myself – on tap, 24/7.
Then I expected your undivided attention.
Then I tried to control you.
Then you became miserable.
Then you found someone else.
I was addicted to the neediness, the insecurities, my controlling ways.
Then I realised that this was a pattern.
A pattern of behaviour that started a long time ago when I was with and then lost The One.
The One who loved me unconditionally, who worshipped me, who adored me, who couldn’t wait to see me, who’d cry each time to leave, whose eyes would light up when they saw me.
I felt special, I felt wanted, I felt needed, I felt adored, I felt loved, I felt secure, I felt free to be me.
This need I was looking for in others ever since, instead of looking for validation from myself.
It is humbling and ridiculous to see this pattern of behaviour repeating itself time after time.
Sometimes it’s easier to stay stuck in old ways than it is to move forward.
Therefore grant me the strength, courage, humility, and healing so I can finally love me.